Friday, March 21, 2014

From the daughter's heart

It is exactly 3 weeks since he opened his eyes to the angels of heaven. His last moment is still fresh in my mind. Just about the same time 3 weeks back, all the family members were sitting around him and praying the Quran. His eyes were half open staring at the wall in front of him. I lovingly called him "Papli" and got not response from him. The only indication that he was alive was the movement of his diaphragm. Time was ticking towards the night, and as much tired I was, there was no sleep in my eyes. I didn't want to lose sight of him. I just didn't want to! Suddenly, his eyes opened wide and he started breathing heavily, it felt like he was watching somebody up above. "The time has come" my cousin brother said.
I had seen him deteriorate inch by inch in the past week. The last hug he gave me was on my anniversary day. He was already a little weak and was coping with a lot of pain. My sister and I had made plans for alternative treatment to give his body strength and immunity. We were planning a trip just after my anniversary to an Ayurveda place as well. But God had something different in mind. Like they say - Man proposes, God disposes!
The next day after my anniversary, he seemed completely zoned out. He had drifted into a sub-conscious mode and had completely stopped talking. His only response was through blinking his eyes. Mom looked strong on the outside, but I could see the turmoil in her eyes. The doctor visited us and after examining him said "Please inform everybody possible". Her estimate was that he would stretch it for a week max! Honestly, I do not have the words nor the courage to explain how the days have passed after that. All i knew was, my parents need me to be the strongest daughter ever; I was and I am! That one week we saw him cripple into a skeleton. From blinking eyes, to half open eyes staring into space. From frequent anxiety attacks to a motionless body. The Doc was right, he survived exactly a week after that.
All through that week I was only praying to God to stop the torture and grant him relief and peace. But when my cousin uttered those words, I was not sure if I was prepared to handle that moment. For sometime, I moved away from the room. I made a list of people I had to immediately call once anything happened and gathered the courage by saying to myself "I need to see this through". I went back to his room and sat next to him. My elder aunt had taken him in her lap and had her palm on his chest. He kept breathing heavily and tears rolled down his eyes. I closed my eyes for a minute in prayer and when I opened, aunt said "I cant feel the heart beat".The entire room stood still. I looked at mom and saw here eyes fill up. I tried to see if his diaphragm was moving, no sign. Looked at his face, frozen. I shakingly held his wrist to feel the pulse, just one pulse and nothing. I stared at mom and said "No ma, nothing, I cant feel a thing". He was no more! He was my Dad.